July 23, 2015. This date symbolizes my and my husband’s fifth wedding anniversary. He’ll tell you it feels more like 15 years, just ask him. I’ve heard him say it to three different people already. While many would consider us to still be young in our marriage, I feel like we’ve been through enough ups and downs that I’m confident my old married lady experience and advice are legitimate.
While I’m no expert, and my hubs and I have mastered the art of modern day bickering, I thought it would be fun to list out some of the best five pearls I’ve learned over the last five years:
1) It IS okay to go to bed angry. This used to bother me early on. You know, because you always hear on TV that you should never, ever, ever go to bed angry. If you believe that, I’m telling you now – push that thought out the window. Going to bed angry is most often a million times better than staying up all night arguing, discussing, and running an issue into the ground. Let it go. Agree to disagree. Even scratch those ideas and still be mad at one another. That’s fine. But do it peacefully and then go to bed. Nine times out of ten your problems or your fight won’t seem as big of a deal in the morning, and it’s easier to have a civil conversation and move on after you’ve had time to sleep some of it off.
2) It’s not always necessary to apologize (or to receive one). Let’s just throw everything out in the open. I’m a grudge-keeper. It’s sad, but true. There are people walking around this town that I’m still mad at, and I don’t always remember the reason why. Bitch. You’re not forgiven until you beg for forgiveness, and even then – I never forget. Natasha – You gotta let it go, girl. The really big stuff – yes, apologize, or demand one in return. But with the small stuff? Just move on. You’re not always going to agree with one another and you’re not always going to admit that you’re wrong. Just be accepting, and above all – be kind (more to come).
3) Run away together. At least once a year. Take a trip, just the two of you. Go on an adventure. Date again (each other, not other people – unless the whole swinger thing works for you). It’s fun rediscovering the person you fell in love with, when they’re not bogged down with the daily to-do’s and responsibilities that you’ve both come to know and tolerate and excel in so well. This time will become especially important when/if you decide to have children. Kids are wonderful, but they’ll change your marriage. Allow yourself to get away just the two of you.
4) Never stop flirting or surprising one another. I still get giggly when my husband sends me a cute text in the middle of the day – or when I receive surprise flowers at work. Don’t just be on the receiving end of this. Make sure you’re also the one doing the surprising. This can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Having his/her favorite meal ready for dinner, sending a card just because – nothing is really off limits if you know it will make the other person happy.
5) Always be kind. Always. This can sometimes be hard to do. As humans, we get stressed, we get jealous, we get mad. We get irrational. It happens. It’s possible to be all of these things and fight with one another, and still, overall, be kind. Don’t let your anger cloud your judgement. You can never un-say something you said in the heat of the moment. Our words become our reality, so choose them wisely.