I think I feel like running today. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I really feel like I can do it today. I’m just going to go for it, ya know? Who cares how fast I am, or how far I go? I really think I’ll surprise myself at how far I go. I’m not even going to worry about it, or look at my Fitbit while I’m out there. I’m going to just go. Just run. For as far as I can. I’ll look at my distance when I’m done. I’m going to be amazed. I bet I get at least three miles in. Or two. But it’ll definitely be at least one. I bet it’s one and a half. Yeah, that sounds like a nice little run. Get myself back into the swing of things.
Hey neighbors! Yeah, it’s me. I’m going for a run. I’m just walking to the end of my street. Then the real workout begins.
I hope they don’t notice my shorts riding up my crotch..
Okay. It’s go time. That’s right, feet. We’re really moving, now! Look at me. I’m running!
Man it’s hot. I didn’t realize how hot it was outside. It was a lot cooler earlier, wasn’t it? That’s okay. It’s summer. This is a nice day. A lot of people like the heat. The more I sweat, the more effective this will feel.
Oh my God. I didn’t realize how big of a hill this is. It doesn’t look that big and I should know…I drive on this street every day.
The heat. It sucks. It’s seriously so hot outside.
This song. I hate this song. Crap. I have to change it but my phone is on my arm. Crap. Okay, I can do this. I can maneuver things and still run.
Look at me, that took some talent! This song is better. I forgot T-Pain existed. Oh. I should probably stop waving my hands like that.
God I hate this. Everything hurts. I can’t breathe. Okay, practice your breaths. One, two. One, two. That’s it. That should help.
IT’S NOT HELPING!
It’s a million degrees outside, and I can’t breathe. I think I probably have asthma. This isn’t smart. No one is around. What if I pass out?
Hey, I recognize that car. Act cool. Act natural. You do this all the time. You totally belong out here.
My legs can’t take this. WHEN DOES THIS HILL END?!
I need to stop.
I have to.
NO! You can do this. It’s all in your head. Get over the mental part. You know you can do this.
I can do this. Get to the stop sign and you can stop.
I CAN’T DO THIS!
Okay stop. Oh my Gosh. That’s already so much better.
Except that walking sucks. My legs are so tired. I’m going to pretend I’m messing with my phone and then I can really stop and take a break.
Okay. I’ve gone 0.5 miles. If I turn around and go home now, that will be one mile.
One mile is good.
One mile is respectable.
I’ll just walk a few steps and then run again.
It’s downhill, it will be easier.
It’s not easier!
Oh my God, I’m so tired. I have to walk.
That feels nice. My legs are like jello. Jello sounds good. Especially with whipped cream. Man, I haven’t had that in a while. Reminds me of ice cream. Ice cream definitely sounds better.
Seriously, my calves are on fire.
I wonder if I’ve burned enough calories for ice cream. Ugh. I haven’t, I know I haven’t. Maybe if I don’t eat dinner I can have some ice cream.
I’ve probably burned at least 200 calories, right?
I’m gonna look.
54?! 54 calories?! That’s absurd! I don’t think this Fitbit is working. That can’t be right.
When will I be home?! I just want to be done.
Hey neighbors, yeah I’m back. Don’t judge me! Maybe I only had a quick 20 minutes before I needed to be somewhere important, and I decided to spend that time running. You don’t know me!
Stop looking at me!
They can tell my shorts are riding up. I’ll just do a side step. They’ll never know.
That was so obvious.
Oh thank you, Lord. I can see my house. Just a little further now.
This air conditioning feels amazing. It was just too hot. It had to be the heat. Who can do anything in heat like this?
I bet it was lack of caffeine. That’s gotta be it.
Tomorrow I’ll drink more coffee before I go out. I can probably get in a couple of miles with some more caffeine in my system.
Oh crap! I forgot to take a picture for Instagram.
Article picked up and ran on the front page of Huffington Post Health/Wellness here